COMMORRAGH: the city of hate

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good fight!"

2011-12-22T03:22:00.000-08:00

The Night Before 986996.M41

by Patrick Marstall (MarstallP@bah.com)

'Twas the night before 986996.M41, and all through the station
All there was clear, there was no abomination.

My helmet was set on the desk to my right,
On the chance that I was to need it that night.

The guardsmen were ensconced, asleep in their beds,
All the tanks too were safe, secure in the sheds.

Marines in the barracks, some manning the wall,
Assured me that the bastion never would fall.

When out in the yard there arose such discord
I grabbed up my bolter and unsheathed my sword.

Away to the window, I ran to take aim
As the marines around me all did the same.

My bionic eye turned the night into day
Allowed me to see, and to seek out my prey.

When what did my loyalist ocular show,
But an ancient conveyance, knee-deep in the snow.

The vehicle was pulled by horned quadrupeds
And a fiery red nimbus glowed from the sled.

The driver was mighty, his eyes full of scorn,
Dressed all in crimson like a servant of Khorne.

I gestured for other to shoot without pause,
For I was now certain this was Santa Claus.

"Fire Marines! Fire Guardsmen! Fire Ogryn and Ratlings!
Fire bolters! Fire lasguns! Fire mortars and gatlings!"

"You in the courtyard and you men on the walls!
Now blast away! Blast away! Blast away all!"

But all through this maelstrom the evil one flew,
Past plasma and bolt shells and frag that we threw!

And then, to my horror, I heard on the roof
The vile cavorting of each decadent hoof.

Screaming my orders, I spun quickly around,
As down the chimney shaft it came with a bound.

I saw its eyes glow, its vast stomach gurgle,
Bloated and fat, like a deamon of Nurgle.

Blinded by anger, I attacked with a scream -
Charged into battle with my brave space marines.

As we thundered towards him, closing the rift,
He reached in his satchel and pulled out a gift.

Then it tossed the vile boxes - I fell in a stoop,
As they arced through the air at me and my troops.

The wrapped missiles fell short, and plopped at our feet,
Our morale was quite strong, we did not retreat.

But the marines paused - our charge was disrupted,
They picked up the gifts and were quickly corrupted.

For each box contained a chaotic present -
The marines (damn their souls), found them quite pleasant.

A bolter, a flamer, a new power fist,
The Claus gave to all, and he checked off a list.

It moved through the station and left in its wake,
The sound of bright laughter and the stench of fruitcake.

The others succumbed, but it failed in its goal,
For to me it gave only a small pile of coal.

The station was lost, I could only instruct
The bastion computer to set self-destruct.

I failed to kill him, for I saw as I fled,
The target escaping, quite safe in his sled.

I heard it cry out as the base burst into light,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

I just don't get it!

2011-11-16T05:48:00.000-08:00

Necron codex comes out, first thing people do is look for loopholes and bullshit tactics.

"Wow! Neat! A shooting army that has the special rules and abilities to dominate in the shooting phase. THREE alpha strikes possible with extreme ranged high AP1 weaponry at high str? Lots of anti-infantry? In fact...almost every shooting unit is capable of damaging vehicles AND blasting infantry! Cannot wait to start collecting."

"Scrub all that...how many scarabs do I need to effectively do this loophole bullshit? 3 more spyders and I'll have 9 of them...so I'm on track."

Shooting army right? I'll make an annoying hth list out of it that doesnt kill anything instead. GREAT IDEA!!!

Thundarr the Barbarian

2011-10-25T15:53:00.000-07:00

I know, I know...but just hear me out here....

This guy is probably the most powerful fictional character ever. His Saturday morning cartoon is such that I don't know how I survived watching it w/o my head exploding when I was a child.

I just ordered the dvd's from WB home video archives and have been watching them on and off with my 8yo son. Obviously....he's playing "Thundarr" now, of course, and with good reason. This uncouth barbarian puts all other super-heroes to shame.

Let's analyse this character so you'll get an idea how badass he is. Thus far...I've reintroduced myself to 7 episodes and this fearless barbarian has destroyed:

10 wizards (11 if you count Gemini twice)

The Kraken

Fucking King Kong

A pack of Werewolves

A tribe of ape men

A horde of Skaven

and more lesser monsters and robots than you can shake a Sun-Sword at!

....what super powers does Thundarr have to take on these threats from 3094?

1. a lightsaber

2. Unbridled fury

3. a lust for combat

4. witty dialog (I'm not kidding...I get chills when this guy talks!)

LORDS OF LIGHT!!!

Thundarr talks about himself in 3rd person. (another requirement for badassness) Many super hero's get a sidekick....Thundarr is so awesome he fucking gets two.

Thundarr aside...what else is awesome about this cartoon? Well, for one thing it's not a pussy cartoon made recently. It was made in the 80's when violence in cartoons was not just the norm...it was a fucking rule! It also combines everything that is cool about Sci-Fi and Fantasy.

You have an Apocolyptic setting in the far future.

Magic.

Super-Science. (high tech is not descriptive enough)

Fantasy Creatures.

DEMON DOGS!!! YOU MUST BUY THIS NOW!!!

Honestly, if you like cartoons, if you like nostolgic stuff, if you are human and wizards are oppressing you....you need to pick this up.

Hey Warseer Heroes (and by heroes I mean retards)

2011-10-17T02:04:00.000-07:00

Warseer has by far one of the dumbest tactics sections I've ever seen on a forum.

Next time you tell me I don't know what I'm talking about...don't bother. Just message me a time that you're availiable to play on Vassal. We'll get together and I'll school you on just how inept you are.

Quit being a bitch, quit making excuses. You're at a computer...go load it up. Message me on Warseer or comment right here and I'll show you how dumb you are by smoking your ass in the most obscene manner you've ever experienced. Bring your friends, they can watch! I don't give a fuck.

GodofRandom, you're #1 on my list. You don't know how to play Dark Eldar,I doubt that you play 40k against adults. Quit giving noobs dumb advice and making them suck more just so you can keep winning games against people that don't know how to play.

I'm not going to quit on your "Tactics" *bwahaha* forum. I'm going to keep giving GOOD advice and tirelessly defending my position against you idiots. This is an ongoing challenge.

When you beat me I'll post an apology here to you personally and publicly announce you are the boss of me.

Until then you're a bitch...and your advice sucks, retard.

I BLEED for GW!

2011-10-11T18:21:00.000-07:00

I havent had a chance to bitch about much lately b/c...well...there simply isnt enough drama going on right now! Unfortunate. Maybe I'll get serious and stop goofing off with BS barking and cussing at people and do a real article for once....then get back to bullying people....

At any rate, a real article.

This one is mostly for us [southern accent]Amarkins *ptoo*[/southern accent] as you guys across the pond havent got blokes in charge with any business sense to come up with motivating ways to get people to volunteer their time.

Anyway, if you're like me you're underpaid, have a family, bills, possibly a mortgage, car payment, and generally better ways to spend your money than to dump wads and wads of cash down for a set of $10 apeice plastic terminators or a $60 dollar tank. If you're not like me you might be a college kid with limited means right now to dump on models.

I might have a solution for you.

It came to me during the time leading up to the NOVA tournament. I discovered that I was going to be woefully low on spending money and money for gas/room once I got there. My paychecks have been really spoken for lately and havent done much to support my hobby alone much less a tournament weekend where one can easily blow thru $500 + dollars.

What was I going to do?

Well, my GF works at the local plasma center. She's been telling me for months that I should go in to the center and donate plasma as its just extra money...and its like free money b/c you're just sitting there for an hour reading a book or whatever. I was hearing her but was rather avoiding it b/c the idea of giving up bodily fluids on a regular basis anywhere but at a toilet skeeves me out. I don't really much like needles (who the fuck does????) and the last time I gave blood for a physical I inexplicably almost passed out. (fucking whimp)

Well, the tournament weekend was actually in danger so I decided that desperate times call for desperate measures so I rolled up my sleeve and headed into the plasma center. I vowed that I was at least going to get in an initial 5 visits b/c the center had a deal that your first 5 visits netted you $50 per visit. After that my rates were going to go down...to a level I didnt find appealing at all. No matter. $250 bucks is just what I needed to save my weekend at NOVA.
So, I headed in. The first day was a bit of an ordeal. I went in early (8am) and didnt finish up that day until around 3pm. It only takes an hour to donate a full helping of plasma and the rest of the days was taken up by physicals and an interveiw to make sure I wasnt any sort of a high risk patient. (they need good plasma...not plasma from drug addicts or other high risk doners that might be diseased for whatever reason)

Yes, the donating skeeved me out...and I didnt listen to my GF (again, Who the fuck does????) and did not hydrate myself properly afterwords. While running errands afterwords I had a bit of a reaction and almost passed out due to the procedure while standing in line at a bank....I had momentarily blacked out and everything.

I went on undeterred however. From then on I listened to my GF and made sure that I was hydrating myself heavily and eating b4 going in to donate. I still had $200 to earn. Donating twice a week. At about an hour and a half max of my time every visit I was able to come up with the money quite easily....my trip to Nova was saved and I went and had a great time.

Now, however, since my initial 5 visits were spent, my rates for donating have gone down. Now, I receive a mere $25 for the first visit, and assuming I make it a second time within the week I will make $40 dollars on that visit. $65 a week possible income for going in. I had not considered the experience that pleasant so I wasnt thinking that I would go back....

....but Dark Eldar models are so fucking beautiful....

Since the Nova I've been bouncing ideas around in my head about which direction I want to take with my Dark Kin. I've got three different army lists that I play on Vassal right now and I'd like to be able to take whatever I like on tabletop. I had a raider dominated force and since the Venom is relatively new I hadnt purchased any as of yet....but I've got these lists that are begging to be built.

I thought about it a bit and decided..."You know, I can pick up 2 Venoms after two visits to the plasma center." It's a $30 model before any of the discounts that most of us FLGS frequenters typically enjoy. Easily able to get in two boxes. In fact...I had an entire army now that I thought of it that would be availiable for play after a few short weeks doing this....

....so I headed back to the center....

Since I decided to do this, using plasma to leverage models into my army, I've been able to add 10 Scourges and 4 Venoms into my army. That's $170 worth of models.....and the beautiful part? Its a guilt free expenditure. The fact of the matter is, that I wouldn't donate for any other reason right now other than spending money. It's not exactly a "fun" thing to do...but the ends justifies the means in my mind. Also, my better half has said herself that she cannot complain that i'm "wasting" up to $270 a month (6 visits a month nets you an extra $10 locally) on toy soldiers! Thats sort of a significant amount if you think about it. I'm able to spend that much on toys every month and not have any arguement at all about how that money should've gone to bills/savings/groceries/whatever. It's beautiful.

It appears that I've also gotten better at donating! Lemme illustrate the visit for you. It sounds bad...inserting a needle and [Skeksis of the Dark Crystal accent]Draining your living essence[/Skeksis of the Dark Crystal accent]. It's honestly not that bad at all now that I've gotten used to it. Assuming you get a good 'stick'...there is no pain whatsoever aside from inserting the needle in your arm. If you feel pain, the needle simply needs to be adjusted by an attending nurse...which they are happy to do for your comfort. Failing that, when the machine returns your red blood cells to you, sometimes the return needs to be slowed down. Again, an attending nurse can help you with this. Other than these two things, there is no pain whatsoever. Again THERE IS NO PAIN INVOLVED! You simply sit in a lazyboy and play Texas hold 'em on your Iphone for the hour it takes to donate. I've also gotten used to the procedure in that I no longer get tired afterwords. I simply make sure I stay hydrated and I will typically go eat afterwords...and go on with the rest of my day willy nilly. Often going and picking up my models and gluing them together b4 I ever remove the bandage from donating.

It's truly easy.

I'm sharing this with you, the community, because times right now are indeed difficult. Often we cannot find the money to dedicate toward our hobby. This is a very simple way to get a little extra cash to do something you love. Also, honestly, you have the moral high ground of knowing that you're saving someones life by doing this little act.

It's a win/win situation. I give life giving plasma to those that need it/I'm supplied with beautiful Dark Eldar models for my army. Everyone wins.

Anyway, next time you need a little extra cash for that new BLOOD ANGEL army. Think about giving some plasma. You'll be well on your way to adding 4 Lascannon/PLASMA GUN Razorbacks to your list that will cost you no more than a few hours of your time.

See you at the centre.

James Lipton's "INSIDE THE WARRIORS STUDIO": Kharne the Betrayer

2011-09-21T20:20:00.000-07:00

I would like to welcome you to a new feature here on Commorragh, "Inside the Warrior's Studio".

In the same vein as James Lipton's show, we will be interveiwing some of the most radient personalities from the 40k universe. Today we've braved the perils of Warp Space to bring you none other than a defining personality from the World Eaters, a champion from before the days of the Horus Heresy, the former personal equerry to Angron, the Betrayer of Skalathrax, Scourge of the 13 Black Crusade. His death toll has been felt across all of the known galaxy. Today, I'm happy to say....that this gentleman is here today to take just a few minutes out of his busy schedule to answer a few questions for us"Inside the Warrior's Studio" is proud...and priviledged to bring you the Murderous, the Heinous, the Avatar of Khorne himself.... Kharn the Betrayer.

DS-Thank you for coming here today Kharn. I'm delighted that you in all your generocity have decided to join us here on this, the very first edition of "Inside the Warrior's Studio". In the tradition of Mr. Lipton, I've taken down some of his typical interveiw questions and, at your discretion, will be asking them of you so that your fans out there may better know the real 'you', and maybe understand how a warrior such as yourself might accomplish such great feats as you have over your career. Well know...lets get started, shall we?

First, just to break the ice, perhaps we could start with an amusing anecdote from you? Perhaps something that happened just to give a 'feel' to your audience of "Who is Kharn? What is he all about?"

Kharn-AAAARRRRAAAGGHGHHH!!!! *smashes Gorechild down on coffee table splintering it to bits* MURDER! SLAY! AAARRRRAAAGHHHH!

DS-Hahahaha, oh how delightful. With that wonderful start, let us begin the actual questionaire shall we....oh, yes, hahaha, most delightful.

Now, if I were to ask you, "What is your favorite word?" what would you say? What is Kharn the Betrayers favorite word?

Kharn-BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!!!

DS-Ahhh, of course. I could've guessed....and your least favorite?

Kharn-RRRRAAAAGGGHHHHHAAAGGGHH!!!!!

DS-Kharn my friend you are such a delight! Wonderful. Tell me, and your millions of loving fans out there, what turns Kharn the Betrayer 'on' creatively, spiritually and emotionally?

Kharn-BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE OF KHORNE!!!!

DS-Of course, of course. To further that point, what would you say, turns you 'off'?

Kharn-DEATH!!! DEATH TO THE FALSE EMPEROR OF MANKIND!!! AAARRAARHHHHHGGG!!!

DS-...and what other answer to that question could there possibly be I ask you? Indeed my friend, indeed. Kharn, now I find myself wanting to ask, what is your favorite curse word? When you're feeling upset about something, what do you find yourself wanting to state to the world?

Kharn-KILLMAIMBURNKILLMAIMBURN!!!!!

DS-I see. I feel like saying that myself at times. Most understandable and appropriate. Now, if you were to choose a sound or noise that you love, such as a beautiful melody or the sound of running water...what would that sound be? What is your favorite sound?

Kharn- *hoists Gorechild above his head depressing the activation rune. Gorechild roars to life*

DS- Ahh, yes, a beautiful sound indeed. I can see where that would be most relaxing. What about your least favorite sound my good sir?

Kharn-*releases the activation rune....silence fills the room*

DS- Interesting, interesting. Not a favorite of my own either I must add. Now, for our next question, let us assume that you've decided to give up reaving and slaying. Silly, I agree, but indulge me. Now, you've given it up, what does Kharn do now? Where does he go? What would you do with your life?

Kharn- Yes, I've ofttimes explored that question myself Deadshane. In all honesty, I beleive my endeavors would lead me to pure philosophy and tasking myself with simply exploring the mind and thought itself. Regardless, I would definatly take it easy for much of my remaining time, that is for certain. Who was it? I beleive it was either Plato or O'Conner who stated "It is not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised, the mosquito is swatted." Hahaha, oh yes indeed. Yes indeed.

DS- Hohoho, yes, how delightful you are. I'm insane with delight! Let us continue shall we? With that said, what profession would you NOT care to do? What profession would you avoid?

Kharn- DIE!!!!! BURN!!!!! *Kharn draws his plasma pistol and blasts a waiter out in the audience as he serves a drink. The waiter vaporises instantly but not before he has time to scream in searing pain from the explosive blast of sunfire* KILLKILLKILLKILL!!!!!!

DS- One can hardly be blamed for wanting to avoid the service industry, this is for certain. Now my friend, as a final question to conclude this interveiw where you have been such a gracious guest. Please, tell us what would you like to hear God say as you arrive at the pearly gates?

Kharn-AAARRRAAGGGHHHH!!!!! *Kharn goes berserk and begins to destroy the studio and everything that gets close enough to him to be slain* KILL!!!! SLAY!!!! BURN!!! MAIM!!! KILL!!! RRRAAAAGGGGHHHHAAAGGGHHH!!!!

DS- Thank you my dear friend, thank you. That will conclude tonights show of "Inside the Warrior's Studio" My most heartfelt thank-you's go out to Kharn for taking the time out of his busy schedule of World Eating to come here and share with us that which makes him so very special. A loved character of the 41st millenium. We all wish him the best of luck in all of his future endeavors...wherever that may take him. Thank you Kharn.

Kharn-RAAAGGHHHHHKILLMAIMBURNKILLMAIMBURNKILLMAIMBURN!!!!

AAARRRAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Sukkadikka...er, I mean dakkadakka mods go off on me again!

2011-09-21T16:31:00.000-07:00

"Stay with me bright eyes, I'm not through with you yet!"

Well, they banned my main account. I only assume it's because of my last post here since I'm a relatively unknown in the blogosphere. I try to log on with my peaceful "play by the rules" deadshane1 account and I'm banned until 2042. I assume it's b/c of my last post here since most of my threads show 2 veiwings, 4 veiwings, 6 veiwings....Then you've got the rant I go on dakka about for a big fat 45 veiwings! Not like I'm famous or anything...but it's obvious to me what's going on. What a bunch of pissclams.

Good thing my other accounts are safe. I am getting bored with some of them though....Hey dakka mods...better ban these ones that I've been using with my IP mask;Platuan4th, biccat, Mr. Self Destruct, Chowderhead, Cottonjaw...go ahead and ban those too, I'm gonna come make some new ones.

"YOU CAN SLICE 'EM, YOU CAN DICE 'EM, BUT THE EQUIPTMENT JUST KEEPS ON COMIN'!"

It's cool, I'm just going full on stealth mode now...my own personal weird hobby. Getting my own sick satisfaction from the mods not being able to stop me. Funny part is, it's not like I'm going on dakka for the purpose of making trouble and antagonising people. Example, the last and most recent thread I made in order to start up constructive discussion..... http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/398256.page

....whoa, cover your ears, that one's NSFW! Mod's on dakka are flat out, out of control. That sounds awefully bad, but in reality, a forum moderator being "out of control" is about the least harmful and least influencing thing you can be "out of control" at. It's sort of like going to the grocery store, buying lots of canned green beans, and being "out of control!" while doing it. Again, I'm not staying on dakka to cause trouble (I never really have), but it's almost like they're taking it all personal. I only go on there to discuss stuff and for the most part (ESPECIALLY with my newly banned account) follow all the rules. I guess the mods have to do something to justify their jobs. "Hey look, here's someone on a blog talking trash...QUICK BAN HIM!"

I wonder what my next handle will be.....?

DAKKADAKKA Mods: How important is your job?

2011-09-16T19:51:00.001-07:00

Dakka mods sure are on top of their game. Make one wrong step and BAM! Warning. If you've been warned several times in the past, instant ban, w/o the ability to even dispute it or defend yourself. Its a good thing that they're there. Dakka is full of nothing but children that need to be watched at all times. Some of the horrible travesties committed there are truly crimes against all of humanity. Horrible things such as....

1. Spam

2. Debating

3. Hurting peoples feelings

4. Creating multiple accounts (not neccessarily the same person)

5. Staying on topic

...these are just 'some' of the horrible atrocities against man and God that are threatening to destroy creation lest the mods on Dakkadakka (and other forums) deliver us from evil.

BACK TO REALITY

What is a forum, or more specific, a gaming forum for? Is it important? Do we go there to have fun? Should responses be taken truly seriously? Is it horrible to have more than one account? What sort of discussion is appropriate? Let's talk about this a bit and see if we can figure out what's wrong with forums in general and if they're doing a good job or just doing too much.

WHAT IS A GAMING FORUM FOR?

I would suppose that a gaming forum is a place where somebody can go to nerd out about their hobby or just chat with people that share common interests. It makes sense. When I post online at Dakka or Warseer or wherever, I'm pretty much in the same mode that I'm in when I walk into my local gamestore and start chatting with the guys there. I'll nerd out about movies, the game, life crap, or just whatever comes up. The only advantage you have in the gamestore is that you don't have to type and you might get a game in with one of your friends...that is if you've brought your army.

ARE FORUMS IMPORTANT?

Instantly, my response is NO. They don't really promote the hobby in any meaningful way. Nothing discussed there is something that can ONLY be discussed on an internet gaming forum. Essentially, they are completely disposable resources and/or places to hang out.

DO WE GO THERE TO HAVE FUN?

Most definatly. I find most of my time is spent on gaming forums while I'm sitting at a desk at work. I would bet that this accounts for a great amount of other posters time as well. I'm not spending hour after hour on dakkadakka if I'm at home where I've got video games, movies, or a girlfriend to take up my time instead. It's a place to pass your time when you've got nothing else going on. When you've got a few minutes to say "I wonder what's going on online right now." You then turn the channel to dakka or whatever forum you like and see if theres any interesting conversation going on.

SHOULD YOU TAKE DISCUSSION THERE SERIOUSLY?

Wow....no way. You don't know any of these people...why should you care what any of them have to say?

IS IT HORRIBLE TO HAVE MORE THAN ONE ACCOUNT?

Absolutely! Look at all the websites that you can only have one account at...Amazon, no wait, ummm, your local bank, no thats no good, Games Workshop? No you can have multiple accounts there too. Waitaminute....there is no reason whatsoever to NOT be able to have multiple accounts. If someone misbehaves on one account, what's the harm in them having another? If they keep misbehaving they'll just get warned/banned off of that one as well.

WHAT SORT OF DISCUSSION IS APPROPRIATE?

Probably the same sort of discussion that you can normally have in public. If people want to argue back and forth over and over....why not let them? If people want to talk about "my little pony" let em...just don't expect me in that thread. If I want to talk about whether or not "blood angels" are powerful or not...lemme do it, that's what I want to talk about. Your "oh not this again" comment is unneeded and/or unwanted. If you don't like the topic, take a hike.

These mod's take their jobs WAY too seriously from what I've seen. I've been frequenting dakka for a long time now. I've seen it go from an interesting place where the posters took care of their own problems by disciplining their own peers to a place where mods hand out warnings like free candy. In so doing...they ban people at the drop of a hat w/o any warning or defense possible.

The result? Well, the blogosphere is one. People want to talk about what they will. Bitching about authority is one of the rights right here outside of forums. Yes, fuck moderation, fuck off if you don't think my points are on/off topic, polite, blow me.

No interesting discussion is another problem. Go to a forum and see how many times army lists are commented on. They're generally not getting good feedback b/c telling someone that their list sucks is an offense. Be a conspiracy theorist and your stance is attacked by all sides and if you perpetuate a debate..."warning/ban" for spam.

I'm also seeing that it results in less adult/grown up conversation. (disclaimer:I dont attempt to be overly 'civil' here, fuck off if you don't like my prose) Most people that have something really constructive to say have been banned and/or bored with forums in general...it's truly amazing the amount of blogs that are springing up by people with real things to say. If you're on dakka and you disagree, I have two questions for you....1. How old are you & 2. Are you a Mod. Most everyone else will agree that Dakka is Candyland....thanx to douchebags that have nothing but time to make sure everyone conforms to the rules first and has fun second.

Basically, we come back to the blogs, and that they're a more fun place to post and discuss things than forums. Forums are great....if you're 12 and get your feelings hurt when people tell you that your techmarine is a 'shitty' choice in your list. If you NEED a mod to protect you...stay on forums. You're not allowed out here....bitch.

I see more constructive veiws and info in blogs than on any forum out there. There's less moderation and the people arent afraid of being kicked for speaking their minds.

The internet is an adult playground. Get used to it, you cannot change that. People will probably say "He's just ranting b/c he got banned or something." Actually, no, I'm not worried about getting banned b/c if I want to, I'll make 50 kajillion sock puppet accounts using an IP masker. Piss off, if I want to post there's pretty much not anything you can do about it. I'm actually BORED with forums. I've recently noticed that you really cannot even have fun with them...not in a "flame people" sort of way, but attempt to post in a way that promotes discussion of the game or other issues and you'll get a warning/banned. Do something funny on the forum and you'll find a bunch of 12 year olds that are trying to make a serious issue of it....and you'll have moderators watching you that much closer b/c your thread/post is that much hotter. It's ridiculous. People need to remember that we're all just here to talk and have fun. If we cannot do that, what the fuck are we bothering to log in for.

This is something that the moderators at dakka simply cannot get their fucking heads around.

Stay off dakkadakka, warsee, B&C, or any forum that curbs your tongue. If they don't let you have fun, fuck them. Make your blog, talk about what you like, and we'll all link each other.

Get tired of forums, move out of your parents house and speak your mind.

Oh well, I'm still bored. Time to go stir up some more shit on dakka with another sockpuppet.

Tactica:Space Wolves

2011-08-21T14:46:00.000-07:00

This is my exhaustive Tactica on the Space Wolf Codex.

Buy Codex

Buy maximum Long Fangs

Come up with some combo featuring your Long Fangs/Razorbacks/Thunderwolf Cav

Roll dice

Win

Bask in your original Genius.

You're welcome, hope this article helped you.

Lookit all the Crybabies....

2011-08-19T03:34:00.001-07:00

http://hulksmash-homeplace.blogspot.com/2011/08/ard-boyz-semi-finals-aka-screw-this.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+HulksmashsHomeplace+%28Hulksmash%27s+Homeplace%29

Disclaimer:Now the above link isnt the ONLY complainer on board here. Just the one that sent me over the edge.

Complain much?

Yes, I made it through the 'Ard Boys Preliminaries.

Yes, I qualified first place.

Yes, I had fun.

Yes, I'll be going onto the semi's.

Yes, all those screaming kids on the interweb are getting on my nerves.

It doesnt matter where you go...Dakka, Warseer, blogs....if people are talking about 40k you don't have to search far and somewhere, they're bitching about 'Ard Boyz.

Free tournaments with prize support from a company that gives not a shit about you....and still they bitch. I mean how immature can you get?

"Prize support has gone down and down." It hasnt.

"Cost has gone up and up." It started free, it's free this year

"I elected to participate." Calm the fuck down Caesar.

"It's too far." What? Like every other 'event' level Tournament out there?

"The missions arent printed on 'Ard boyz stationary." what...the...fuck.

LOOK YOU SPOILED LITTLE SHIT...SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!

What are you? 5? Or 6? Because I thought this game was 11 and up.

This is the sort of guy that goes to the Black Library and looks for the Cliff Notes.

This is the sort of guy that would cheat on his testing for "Ultramarines Aspirant".

"At the behest of the Emperor, we bequeath this power sword unto you to smite thine enemies."-Marneus Calgar

"What? No master crafted?"-DoP

Here's a scenario for you. You're the best skier in the entire world, what are you going to do when the Olympics are held in Japan? Attend? Or bitch that they're not holding the Olympics in your backyard?

Tournaments are about going and having fun. If you're not having fun or WON'T have fun...don't go. I know thats a difficult concept to grasp but hey, guess what, most of us out here don't care that you've gotta drive 5 hours to your nearest semi's locale. We qualified. We're going...fuck YOU. I mean, when do you NOT have to travel for a tournament? GW is sponsoring this...you might have to travel. Just like as if they sponsor a GT in Las Vegas.

Now, I've played in 'Ard Boyz just about every year it's been out. I've qualified, been ousted, attended the finals....pretty much been privy to the totality of the 'Ard Boyz experience. I don't bitch that the finals are held in Chicago. I don't go, it's too far for me. I didn't bitch two years ago when I had to travel 4.5 hours to my nearest semi-final location. I carpooled with a friend and made a roadtrip out of it.

See, this is my hobby, I have fun with it. If something isnt going to be fun for me. I don't participate. However, neither do I get online and spew hate-vomit at GW for not catering to my spoilt little ego. I'm happy the hobby is being supported. I'm not going to complain b/c I do not want my voice weighed as being OPPOSED to this event that so many people actually enjoy. How many ways can I say it? If you're going to have fun...go...enjoy yourself. If not, that's fine too, but shut the fuck up. Noone cares about you.

Thank Nagash you're not going. That way I don't have to listen to your bitching about having to get a hotel room, spring for gas, and have a long drive home after I win the 2500 pt army you thought you were going to get.

....but I guess you only lost because of the non-Ard Boys Stationaried Scenarios.

42 total Semi's locations. Almost 1 per state. At an extremely conservitive estimate...that is over $25,000 that GW is not going to get. That is figuring that each event puts out a $600 grand prize, although I don't know what 2500pt army is going to cost only 600 bucks.

....and you bitch.

Douchebag. (pretty much says it all right there)

Da Boyz GT: Best GT ever! Great games here!

2011-08-11T09:14:00.000-07:00

....if by "Best" you mean restrictive and controlling, and by "Great" you mean totally uncompetative and not a true contest of player skill.

Comp Nazi's.

They want you to play their way. They have a burning hatred for any armies that do not meet their own standards. They feel that their version of play is superior to yours. If your army does not meet their standards it must be carted off to "re-education" camps until it meets the minimum guidelines that they have set down. Filthy Jews.

Da Boyz GT. The most heinous example of Comp ever seen in North America. According to their "comp rubric" you are a douchebag asshole powergamer that cannot win a game unless he abuses the army list section of whatever book you're building from. ('abuse' being redundancy and selection of efficient units over 'garbage' ones)

More like, they've got a large contingent of guys that are serious painters that get pissed off when they lose games to solid generals.

Seriously...check this out...

http://www.daboyzgt.com/Portals/1/DaBoyz%20GT%20Composition.pdf

What does this tell me?

"Play our way, because your way (you know, the legal way within the rules) is so fucked that we need to double your time building your army if you want to have a snowballs chance in our tournament. This tournament is not about your skill level (you know, like tournaments are supposed to be) this tournament is about giving us painter-types a chance at winning Overall. We'll do that by penalising redundancy. Since you'll be forced out of maxing out on effective and points efficient units. You know, all those dirty dirty underhanded tactics that GT winners normally use. This is how we can ensure that someone who SUCKS might actually make it to Las Vegas this year thru the circuit."

You idiots.

Now, I could sit here and rail on and on about well known Comp pitfalls such as....

....how people will find a way to break this anyway...
...how any single comp "system" will not create equal power across all the codexes....
...how this nonsence doesnt really facilitate any "theme" for which comp was invented in the first place....

I'll just say this, that there are two possibilities here.

1-You think that 40k is flawed and have instituted this to create a more fair competition. In which case you've decided to "fix" 40k and run this BS tournament.

40k IS flawed, but it's still fun the way it is. When you play with the rules outside of 'FAQ'ing things, you're going to alienate several gamers...and anger some others. We go to tournaments to test our skills with the choices that WE'VE made with expensive models and armies. We don't want to adjust our personalised armies to satisfy your imposed new ruleset. Therefore, PEACE, your tournament sucks.

2-You hate gamers that build armies to win games. Probably due to the fact that you get beat over and over at tournaments by people that build 'good' lists. You've found a way to hamper them with this fucked up and total BS tournament. I.E. you don't play for fun (like you probably all claim that YOU do and WE don't. 'We' being all the alleged WAAC gamers.) you play to win just like the rest of us, you've simply found an underhanded way to hinder us and started up your own tournament so that you can win something.

Fuck you. Learn to play better. Peace, your tournament sucks.

I've seen tournaments without comp.
I've seen tournaments that use comp moderately.
I've seen tournaments using HEAVY comp.

Thankfully, until now, I've never seen a tournament that you MAY NOT EVEN BE ABLE TO ATTEND BY THE RULES SET DOWN BY ITS COMP.

Wow. my mind is just going in a thousand different directions. This idea for a GT is just so heinously BAD I cannot even wrap my head around it. Whoever thought this up is not only a control freak, but he's hampering the success of your tournament. I personally know whole CLUBS out there that will not attend just because of the restrictions put down. I guess you didnt want them coming to play anyway, huh? Very neighborly of you, certainly promotes "just for fun" games.

You have set a new standard of fail. I would say EPIC fail, but that's not enough.

GALACTIC FAIL gentlemen, your tournament is retarded in the extreme.

Here's a hint for you in the future. It's THE GAME'S responsibility to address what people should be able to take in their armies. When you run a tournament like this, it's no longer a Warhammer 40,000 tournament. Don't call it a 40k event...it's not.

Yea yea, I get it, you're doing it for variety. Like Fearspect said on Dakka

"Obviously you will encourage variety by limiting the options, anyone with half a brain could see that. "

To that I say...WHY? It's not like GW encourages this sort of variety in their army lists.

These sort of army restrictions make about as much sense as running a tournament where you have to max out on troop choices and choose an 'HQ' choice to lead each squad. We'll also force only two selections from both Heavy support and Elites and say you can bring up to 5 Fast attack. If you don't follow these rules close enough you may not even be able to play in our tournament.

WTF?

Good luck with your kiddie tournament though, when you're done being control-freak douchebags that are afraid of redundancy, effeciancy, and all-round good army building...well...we'll see you at the REAL tournaments.

W-60 T-3 L-0 ? Wow, impressive!

2011-08-10T05:17:00.000-07:00

So, you've got 60 wins? Who cares? I've got 61.

....and you're the douche for putting your record up.

Nobody cares. It doesnt make your opinions worth anything. It doesnt mean you'll beat me in a game. It's not verifiable, and even if it was...noone's going to go thru the trouble of actually checking up on you, because we don't care about how awesome you think you are with little painted plastic space mens.

You guys remind me of two kindergarteners at the swingset bragging about who's got more sillybands...

"I've got more sillybands than you so I'm the boss of you!"-5 year old future Blog writer

"Yea? Well I fucked your mom yesterday at my house after daycare, tell that bitch she left her teeth on my bed! Oh yea, and smoke my babydick!"-5 year old Deadshane then dragon punches future Bl0g writer then TAKES his silly bands before going off to smoke a bowl and pound a bottle of Jack!

So please, get your ego in check and take these bullshit stats off of your blog, sig, pikachu lunch pail. You havent played me yet at a tournament so I don't give a fuck about your GT/RTT/local cupcakes beaten/silly bands that you've got or any other "Win" record you come up with.

O.K. Stop already....

2011-08-03T00:52:00.001-07:00

YOU SEE THIS? THIS SUCKS! STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT WORK!

You are stupid. Memorize that sentence. Believe it. Own it. If Necrons are your main army you are hopelessly lost in a sea of dumb. Stop trying to convince those of us that know what 40k is about that you can "make it work because of your playstyle/skill/luck/imagination/size of Vagina.

WE DO NOT BELIEVE YOU!

....and with good reason. Your codex does not work.

The only exception to this rule are the retards that play in your store and allow you to beat them every weekend on Sunday. You know, those same guys that blame dice and scenarios? THAT is the source of your success. Guys that cannot learn from the simplest of mistakes and have no chance of improving in 40k....ever.

Your Necrons suck, accept it. You will not be winning a tournament with more than 10 people. You will not win games against players who know what they're doing. Those of us with IQ's over 4 will not be losing to you....even when you cheat. (see, if you play Necrons while trying to win games...you're too stupid to cheat)

When I go to a tournament, I pray to go up against Necrons. Since I never fight them, they're obviously not in my bracket. ( you know, that ever elusive "win" bracket that you've been trying to break into....?)

If you play Necrons, simply own that you are a fluff bunny that has no skill in this tactical wargame. There is no shame in the fact that you suck in 40k compared to everyone else who can choose a decent army to play. If Necrons suck, which they do, just own up to the fact that you will never win games regularly against players who pay attention to the game. Play for fun, like the rest of the painters and Comp Nazi's. Every game must have a loser...and you are it. Accept it, own it, love it. Don't try to convince us otherwise.

This message is brought to you by the 40k players that own your ass every time you bust open your carry case. We're here to help.........you lose.

Two 'Ard Boyz lists for you to be jealous of.....

2011-08-02T23:56:00.000-07:00

Havent decided which one is going to make the cut next week, but here's what I've got.

First, we have my ultra-superior Dark Eldar list that makes Dash-of-Pepper's DE look like the weak bullshit that it is...

2500 Pts - Dark Eldar Roster

Total Roster Cost: 2497

HQ: Asdrubael Vect (1#, 240 pts)
1 Asdrubael Vect, 240 pts

HQ: Haemonculus (1#, 70 pts)
1 Haemonculus, 70 pts = (base cost 50 + Venom Blade 5) + Shattershard 15

Elite: Kabalite Trueborn (5#, 183 pts)
4 Kabalite Trueborn, 108 pts = 4 * 12 (base cost 12) + Blaster x4 60
1 Raider, 75 pts = (base cost 60) + Grisly Trophies 5 + Flickerfield 10

Elite: Kabalite Trueborn (5#, 178 pts)
4 Kabalite Trueborn, 108 pts = 4 * 12 (base cost 12) + Blaster x4 60
1 Raider, 70 pts = (base cost 60) + Flickerfield 10

Elite: Incubi (9#, 271 pts)
8 Incubi, 176 pts = 8 * 22
1 Raider, 95 pts = (base cost 60) + Shock Prow 5 + Torment Grenade Launchers 5 + Enhanced Aethersails 5 + Night Shields 10 + Flickerfield 10

Troops: Kabalite Warriors (11#, 220 pts)
9 Kabalite Warriors, 106 pts = 9 * 9 (base cost 9) + Blaster x1 15 + Splinter Cannon x1 10
1 Sybarite, 44 pts = (base cost 19 + Phantasm Grenade Launcher 20) + Venom Blade 5
1 Raider, 70 pts = (base cost 60) + Flickerfield 10

Troops: Kabalite Warriors (11#, 220 pts)
9 Kabalite Warriors, 106 pts = 9 * 9 (base cost 9) + Blaster x1 15 + Splinter Cannon x1 10
1 Sybarite, 44 pts = (base cost 19 + Phantasm Grenade Launcher 20) + Venom Blade 5
1 Raider, 70 pts = (base cost 60) + Flickerfield 10

Troops: Kabalite Warriors (11#, 220 pts)
9 Kabalite Warriors, 106 pts = 9 * 9 (base cost 9) + Blaster x1 15 + Splinter Cannon x1 10
1 Sybarite, 44 pts = (base cost 19 + Phantasm Grenade Launcher 20) + Venom Blade 5
1 Raider, 70 pts = (base cost 60) + Flickerfield 10

Troops: Wyches (11#, 245 pts)
9 Wyches, 128 pts = 9 * 12 (base cost 10 + Haywire Grenades 2) + Shardnet & Impaler x2 20
1 Hekatrix, 42 pts = (base cost 20 + Haywire Grenades 2 + Agoniser 20)
1 Raider, 75 pts = (base cost 60) + Shock Prow 5 + Torment Grenade Launchers 5 + Enhanced Aethersails 5

Troops: Wyches (11#, 235 pts)
9 Wyches, 128 pts = 9 * 12 (base cost 10 + Haywire Grenades 2) + Hydra Gauntlets x2 20
1 Hekatrix, 32 pts = (base cost 20 + Haywire Grenades 2 + Power Weapon 10)
1 Raider, 75 pts = (base cost 60) + Shock Prow 5 + Torment Grenade Launchers 5 + Enhanced Aethersails 5

Heavy Support: Razorwing Jetfighter (1#, 165 pts)
1 Razorwing Jetfighter, 165 pts = (base cost 145) + Night Shields 10 + Flickerfield 10

Heavy Support: Ravager (1#, 125 pts)
1 Ravager, 125 pts = (base cost 105) + Night Shields 10 + Flickerfield 10

Heavy Support: Ravager (1#, 125 pts)
1 Ravager, 125 pts = (base cost 105) + Night Shields 10 + Flickerfield 10

.....and then there is this....

2500 Pts - Grey Knights Roster

Total Roster Cost: 2500

HQ: Librarian (1#, 185 pts)
1 Librarian, 185 pts = (base cost 150 + Servo-skulls x3 15 + Nemesis Force Halberd 5 + Might of Titan 5 + The Shrouding 5 + Vortex of Doom 5)

HQ: Inquisitor Coteaz (1#, 100 pts)
1 Inquisitor Coteaz, 100 pts

Elite: Venerable Dreadnought (1#, 195 pts)
1 Venerable Dreadnought, 195 pts = (base cost 175 + Psybolt Ammunition 5 + Twin-Linked Autocannon 10 + Twin-Linked Autocannon 5)

Elite: Venerable Dreadnought (1#, 195 pts)
1 Venerable Dreadnought, 195 pts = (base cost 175 + Psybolt Ammunition 5 + Twin-Linked Autocannon 10 + Twin-Linked Autocannon 5)

Elite: Venerable Dreadnought (1#, 195 pts)
1 Venerable Dreadnought, 195 pts = (base cost 175 + Psybolt Ammunition 5 + Twin-Linked Autocannon 10 + Twin-Linked Autocannon 5)

Troops: Grey Knight Strike Squad (6#, 160 pts)
1 Grey Knight Strike Squad, 0 pts
1 Justicar, 20 pts
3 Grey Knights, 60 pts = 3 * 20
1 Grey Knight, 30 pts = (base cost 20 + Psycannon 10)
1 Razorback, 50 pts = (base cost 45 + Psybolt Ammunition 5)

Troops: Grey Knight Strike Squad (6#, 160 pts)
1 Grey Knight Strike Squad, 0 pts
1 Justicar, 20 pts
3 Grey Knights, 60 pts = 3 * 20
1 Grey Knight, 30 pts = (base cost 20 + Psycannon 10)
1 Razorback, 50 pts = (base cost 45 + Psybolt Ammunition 5)

Troops: Inquisitorial Henchmen Warband (4#, 85 pts)
1 Inquisitorial Henchmen Warband, 0 pts
1 Inquisitorial Servitor, 10 pts
1 Inquisitorial Servitor, 10 pts
1 Inquisitorial Servitor, 10 pts
1 Inquisitorial Chimera, 55 pts

Troops: Inquisitorial Henchmen Warband (7#, 145 pts)
1 Inquisitorial Henchmen Warband, 0 pts
1 Death Cult Assassin, 15 pts
1 Death Cult Assassin, 15 pts
1 Death Cult Assassin, 15 pts
1 Death Cult Assassin, 15 pts
1 Death Cult Assassin, 15 pts
1 Death Cult Assassin, 15 pts
1 Inquisitorial Chimera, 55 pts

Troops: Inquisitorial Henchmen Warband (12#, 168 pts)
1 Inquisitorial Henchmen Warband, 0 pts
8 Psyker, 80 pts = 8 * 10
2 Warrior Acolyte, 28 pts = 2 * 14 (base cost 4 + Meltagun x1 10)
1 Warrior Acolyte, 4 pts
1 Inquisitorial Chimera, 56 pts = (base cost 55 + Searchlight 1)

Troops: Inquisitorial Henchmen Warband (12#, 167 pts)
1 Inquisitorial Henchmen Warband, 0 pts
8 Psyker, 80 pts = 8 * 10
2 Warrior Acolyte, 28 pts = 2 * 14 (base cost 4 + Meltagun x1 10)
1 Warrior Acolyte, 4 pts
1 Inquisitorial Chimera, 55 pts

Fast Attack: Grey Knight Interceptor Squad (10#, 340 pts)
1 Grey Knight Interceptor Squad, 20 pts + Psybolt Ammunition 20
1 Justicar, 41 pts = (base cost 26 + Master-craft Nemesis Weapon(s) 5 + MC Nemesis Daemonhammer 10)
6 Grey Knights, 156 pts = 6 * 26
2 Grey Knights, 72 pts = 2 * 36 (base cost 26 + Psycannon 10)
1 Grey Knight, 51 pts = (base cost 26 + Nemesis Warding Stave 25)

Heavy Support: Dreadnought (1#, 135 pts)
1 Dreadnought, 135 pts = (base cost 115 + Psybolt Ammunition 5 + Twin-Linked Autocannon 10 + Twin-Linked Autocannon 5)

Heavy Support: Dreadnought (1#, 135 pts)
1 Dreadnought, 135 pts = (base cost 115 + Psybolt Ammunition 5 + Twin-Linked Autocannon 10 + Twin-Linked Autocannon 5)

Heavy Support: Dreadnought (1#, 135 pts)
1 Dreadnought, 135 pts = (base cost 115 + Psybolt Ammunition 5 + Twin-Linked Autocannon 10 + Twin-Linked Autocannon 5)

One list is designed to win MoV games, the other list is designed to win "Don't lose" games. Both strong enough to make YOU feel stupid, and both can win me a $60 box set on Saturday.

I'd say that the Grey Knight list is the safe bet for qualification. It's super strong and hard to beat. However, the Dark Eldar list has more potential for getting massacres every game, BUT also has more potential for getting a poor matchup and having trouble in a round. Not saying that I would lose...because I never lose in 40k...ever.

Either way I decide to go, you're fucked if you go up against me. I'd avoid my store if I were you....since I'm obviously better at building armies and playing 40k than you.

BTW, as a message to the out of towners that think my flgs is a cupcake factory....

....yea...you're fucked...

...dumbasses.

Why I love the 'Ard Boyz tournament

2011-08-02T06:07:00.000-07:00

'Ard Boyz tournament next week. Pretty much the best tournament going right now. Pack your models everyone, b/c you've got 3 games coming up next Saturday. Pray you're not trying to qualify at MY lgs.

In this post I'll talk about some stratagies for 'Ard Boyz and just generally talk about it....since it's the best thing going. Why is it the best? I'm glad you asked.

1. You get to blast on whimps and fags that love Comp.

2. Being an asshole is almost encouraged. Cheesy army? Check. Sportsmanship scores? No Check. "No I'm not letting you get away with that stupid-ass rules interpretation there, Fuck-O." Why? Take your pick:
A-Cause I don't have to be nice to you.
B-Your interpretation of the rules is fucked.
C-Fuck you
D-All of the above.

(Spoiler-the answer is D, or C...take your pick.)

3. I get free stuff. Why? Because people still blame dice and Scenarios and refuse to get better year to year. The same stupid people who pay 15 bucks to play in a local RTT and fund my Store Credit 1st place prize. Thanx. Yea, all those games were practice for this, the mother of all store cred tourneys.

4. It's free to play in. (yet people still complain about scenario's or whatever)

5. Travel isnt really an obstacle. (unless you're stupid and want to spend hundreds of dollars in a recession to fly to Chi-town for three games of 40k....smart.)

Anyway, these are my reasons that 'Ard Boyz is awesome. You can disagree with me if you like. You'd be wrong, but you can disagree.

Some stratagies that are good for 'Ard Boyz....

BUILD A SOLID LIST

NO, this does not mean play your 1850 and simply add 650 pts. This means play a 2500pt list. If you don't see a difference here, thank you for your participation in getting me my free 2500pt army from GW, loser.

Btw, this probably means planning out from year to year what you are going to do for "this year's" tournament. 'Ard Boyz really requires an effort totally apart from normal tournaments you might find yourself going to. It's totally worth it to plan for this...given the stakes.

STOP WHINING ABOUT SCENARIOS

....and figure out how to do well in them with what you have in your army.

BE MERCILESS

Don't put up with dodgy rules interpretations, slowplay, NON-wysiwyg, army lists written on napkins, none of that BS that people do to give them an edge outside of real play. I'm checking your army, I'm watching you so that you don't slowplay. If you beat me (which you wont) you'll have to do it by outplaying myself and my army.

There's no sportsmanship here so GTFO with that crap. I'm not going to be nice to you. I'm here to get free stuff, not cater to you, Junior.

TAKE A SHOWER

Hey Gamer. This is a tournament where there will be lots of people. You smell like onions covered in shit. Really.

Anyway, that's all for now....I'll be posting the results of my 'Ard Boyz experience here in the form of a battle report to prove that I'm right. (as usual)

'Ard Boyz or Whiney Bitches?

2011-07-29T19:54:00.000-07:00

Question;

What do you do when GW rallies games stores around the country to organize a free tournament that will offer free expensive GW product as prize support?

Do you

A-Put together a list that will fight well in the aforementioned tournament, since scenarios are posted ahead of time?

B-Play for fun just to see how your crappy battleforce list fares against all the cheesy crap everyone is bringing? After all...it's free and all you do is play for fun right?

or

C-Cry like some little pussy bitch b/c the scenarios don't cater to how you play or your armies tactics, refuse to adjust your list, and claim "it was the stupid scenarios" when you get your silly ass handed to you?

If you answered C, fuck you. I cannot wait to play you and laugh in your face when I table you in turn 3...dumbass.

I get a hard-on when people bitch and complain "no fair" when they read the 'Ard Boyz scenarios. It's the same song and dance every year and these guys come up for repeat performances every time. Whiners and babies that cannot figure out how to win games when the 'system' attempts to throw them for a loop. It's so funny. If you aren't invested enough in this game to play competetively then don't whine about tournament scenario's. Stay home and play on the livingroom rug with 9yo Tommy from next door and his force of Space Marines with Ork allies. You douchebag....and don't spill your chocolate milk on the floor or your mommy won't let Tommy stay over for dinner.

Free Tournament
Bring what you can to have the best chance to win. (or don't)
Go play

blahblahblah Nightfight blah blah favors mobile armies blahblahblah Tau cannot win these blahblah why is it my gunline is handicapped blah.......ad infinitum....

Yes....a hard on.

See, when you bitch about scenario's, it reminds me how much better I am at 40k than you are. You're stupid, I'm good at the game, and that's a fact. Funny how all I have to do is keep my eyes open, watch for scenarios, read them, evaluate what I need to do to win my games, and go rock on idiots that cannot play....

You? You keep your eyes open, watch for scenarios, read them, evaluate why your army is going to have a hard time, then cry online before the tournament about it. After the tournament you watch me go up and pick up my $60 free box set or hear about what 2500 pt army I decided on and bitch about how "if it would've been this or that way" you would've won instead of me....either that or "He just won b/c his armies cheesy."

See you at 'Ard Boyz....make sure you spell my name right when you put it on the 'WIN' line, thanx loser.

ALPHA STRIKE!!!!

2011-07-29T17:42:00.000-07:00

So, to begin my crusade of pointing out everything that is wrong with 40k and participants, I will start with none other than one who is known to many many tourney goers. He has been participating in grand tournaments since the mid 90's. He has had some success but has unsurprisingly fallen short when he's been truly tested. Narrow views of strategy and tactics is pretty much his stock and trade. High levels of aggressiveness have however served him well in the past against opponents too stupid to be able to react on the tabletop. This has resulted in, to date, the most overall and best general wins at United States Grand Tournaments for this individual. Definately a result in the flawed nature of victory conditions that tournaments today are rife with.

I'm speaking of course, of none other than Marc Parker.

This ancient grey haired and wrinkled faggot has been a curse on the tournament scene for far too long. In other words....fuck him.

The fellows at Bell of Lost Souls failed to even give him a match. No doubt they threw the 'least' of their players up against him in order to give him some sort of game....

Look at this joke of a batrep

btw...what the hell is up with the shaky cam with the grainy picture. Did you pick up your camera at some garage sale? Hey BoLS, TIP: FIRE YOUR CAMERAMAN. Idiots.

Marc is of course using the battlewagons that are modeled for advantage....yes the ones that are probably bigger than 4 normal GW battlewagons. Cheating? "NOOOOO, of course not!"

Whatever...

Anyway, these are the sort of tactics that his game has been totally packed with for pretty much his entire gaming career. There are those who might remember Adepticon some years ago during the team tournament when Marc and three other douchebags won "Best Xenos". These idiots wore poorly constructed replica ork "gear" in an attempt to garner judge favoritism...but again, on Marc's team...there were the oversized scorchas. The army lists basically maxed out on these vehicles for tank shocking and blocking line of sight. One might think that a ork scorcha wouldn't block much line of sight, however, we're talking about models made by Mr. Parker.

What...in....the....hell....is.....this.....abortion????

....get laid much guys? Didnt think so....what morons. Your parents must be proud.

Oh yes, these "scorchas" were as large as the current battle wagons.....for that edition, a fine example of "modelling for advantage". One of Mr. Parker's trademark ways of playing.

Example of cheating NO.1
Example of cheating NO.2

"Where are the scorchas?" you may ask, "....are they behind the battlewagons?" No Genius, those ARE the fucking SCORCHAS!

Amazing....good job Adepticon judges. Looks fair to me! It's a wonder why anyone questions the integrity of Adepticon.

One might think that this would be the only thing a "top level" gamer would be guilty of. After all, if there were more obvious reasons for dishonorable victories people might think that he might get banned from events. Oh no....

That's only a single item of a grocery list of underhanded tactics that this douchebag has used in order to win at tournement....

Influencing sportsmanship scores with free beers
Judge manipulation
various forms of dice cheating
using wargear that was not on lists
slowplay
being old and generally ugly (it's distracting)

Pretty much any underhanded tactic that can be used to win a game, this guy does it. It's disgusting.

Anyway, I've had about enough ranting in this guy's direction. Remember, if you see him at tournament, don't fall for any of his shit. He'll act all friendly to your face and do nothing but talk to his friends behind your back about what a "cupcake" you were after he narrowly talks and slowplays his way out of a loss. Don't drink with him, don't talk to him...he is an ass. Roll your dice, point where you're going, and get your easy win.

Who the fuck plays Dark Eldar against this Battlewagon army with no shooting and loses?

Welcome....to your death

2011-07-29T17:40:00.000-07:00

Commorragh, the dark city, the city of hate. Welcome traveller, you have somehow breached the runic wards and entered upon my realm. For that, you will suffer agony and pain such that has never been felt amongst mortals before. First however, plaything, you will sit and listen to all I have to say of the 40k community. This will of course include the hated evil "empire" of GW themselves, internet personalities, store owners, players, tournament goers and all other forms of putrid existence that involve themselves with 40k.

Sometimes we will discuss other subjects, because this is my blog and fuck you if you don't want to, but mainly we're going to be on about 40k here.

I may even allow you to comment on my threads...however, if I don't like what you have to say, your comments will be wiped from existence. Keep in mind that if I do this...I'll be laughing at your impotence. You have only yourself to blame for the feelings of powerlessness you will no doubt experience at my whims. Remember, you need only obey and worship your master in this realm, for I rule here.

Now pathetic one, read on, and welcome to Commorragh, the city of hate